Captcha dodgin'

[thefirstandthelast]

1. We were supposed to have sex but we had taken so much neither of us wanted to move.

2. I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.

3. Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.

4. He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!"

5. Why does every cop we meet know your name?

6. in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?

6. Just text him.

Comments

2

[traumatically]

not as worried as I am for my own sanity getting this text, kier. kinda wanna ask but don't think i wanna know

/small gasp

[thefirstandthelast]

fairly certain you don't want to know either but I need them, Jem. I'm not going downstairs to get them when the rest of the clothes are in the wash. Nobody needs to see that.

YES HELLO THERE :D

[traumatically]

can't you use a towel or sommat? or a blanket. make a dash for it?

at least you're not going to start sagging everywhere when you're old. imagine if you turned out like dad?

[thefirstandthelast]

I mean, maybe? but knowing my luck mum would walk in and ask what about the blanket.

You don't know that. what if instead of getting all saggy i start desiccating? end up like a mummy all creaky and dust.

6

[unschooled]

in my humblest profess opinion, i def suggest: "i thought you were a bit too handsome for the ol 'nice shoes, wanna screw' bit. next time, i'll be a bit more forward with it, yeah?" then you invite the fucking guy out for pizza and a movie with a couple of your friends an' done. magic. don forget to wink tho.

[thefirstandthelast]

Wouldn't that require more than just one friend that would actually go out and do pizza and a movie besides guy in question? Besides, I don't wink. if I wink it's with both eyes and it's called a blink and all context is lost.

[unschooled]

if you offer up ten quid and buy my first drink, i'll go and i'll include a friend for free. like a bogo but better.

that winking bit tho, practice it. it's a good life skill for when you want to succ.

[thefirstandthelast]

What are you, my wing-man now?

....that wasn't a typo, that was intentional, i can't believe you gave me advice ending in 'succ'.

[unschooled]

consider me a wingman mercenary for hire. you down for it? never know when the rates are gonna jack up.

absofuckinglutely is it intentional. do you need a demo proper on how to wink?

[thefirstandthelast]

No, I don't intend to wink at anyone so I'm not going to need lessons on how to wink, kal.

But we'll go out one night and see if I have any better luck not embarrassing myself again.

[unschooled]

so i'm going to check that off as a solid 'maybe' then bc you might change your mind later

when you plan on kickin up dirt for the pub? rota's changed for the routes and i got time this week before i head south

[thefirstandthelast]

dunno, I suppose if you've got time I'll be able to do that whenever. can't see you doing any worse than I would at...whatever is going to happen.

[unschooled]

can't tell if thas a challenge or what, but prepared to be amazed

[traumatically]

nah, she'll probably apologise and walk out mortified. or maybe that's more dad. mum'll just be bemused i reckon. whatever it is it'll be dead awkward and hilarious.

yeah okay maybe. but you haven't yet have ya? don't mummies start doing that pretty quick and stuff?

and i mean you're not technically dead are ya?

hello I return and am not dead, contrary to what absence might indicate

[thefirstandthelast]

Oh god, dad would probably take one look at me and ask me if I was still getting in trouble. do the protective thing some more.

I think mummies have that process kind of accelerated, what with being in the heat and sand and actually being pickled before they're interred. Pretty sure I didn't get that treatment.

Only dead in the technical sense these days, I guess.