Captcha dodgin'

[thefirstandthelast]

1. We were supposed to have sex but we had taken so much neither of us wanted to move.

2. I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.

3. Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.

4. He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!"

5. Why does every cop we meet know your name?

6. in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?

6. Just text him.

Comments

/small gasp

[thefirstandthelast]

fairly certain you don't want to know either but I need them, Jem. I'm not going downstairs to get them when the rest of the clothes are in the wash. Nobody needs to see that.

YES HELLO THERE :D

[traumatically]

can't you use a towel or sommat? or a blanket. make a dash for it?

at least you're not going to start sagging everywhere when you're old. imagine if you turned out like dad?

[thefirstandthelast]

I mean, maybe? but knowing my luck mum would walk in and ask what about the blanket.

You don't know that. what if instead of getting all saggy i start desiccating? end up like a mummy all creaky and dust.

[traumatically]

nah, she'll probably apologise and walk out mortified. or maybe that's more dad. mum'll just be bemused i reckon. whatever it is it'll be dead awkward and hilarious.

yeah okay maybe. but you haven't yet have ya? don't mummies start doing that pretty quick and stuff?

and i mean you're not technically dead are ya?

hello I return and am not dead, contrary to what absence might indicate

[thefirstandthelast]

Oh god, dad would probably take one look at me and ask me if I was still getting in trouble. do the protective thing some more.

I think mummies have that process kind of accelerated, what with being in the heat and sand and actually being pickled before they're interred. Pretty sure I didn't get that treatment.

Only dead in the technical sense these days, I guess.